The first round of tears started at midnight on Easter Eve.
Each holiday it seems to be predictable that there will be tears, yelling, and whining. As an adult, it has been a trigger for me. These are the reactions that run through my mind: “Go back to sleep” “Just appreciate what you have!” “Can’t you see how hard I’ve worked to make this special?” “Stop with the yelling and crying!!” I want peacefulness and relaxation on my holiday and the yelling and crying doesn’t provide that. I just want it to go away!
We build up holidays so much to make them full of excitement, surprise, and happiness. And inevitably, with small children, they end in tears and many times yelling, grounding, time outs and threatening. Why is this? Why are these happy times so stressful and with such unhappy endings? Is there any way it can be different?
When that first round of tears started last night, I so wanted to go back to sleep. Instead, I went into my son’s room to be there for him. It wasn’t important to know why he was crying – it was late, he was awake, that is often enough – but this night was the night before Easter and that added even more emotion. He was so excited he could barely sleep! It was most important for me to be there to hold space for him and help him meet whatever needs he had so we could be a functioning family in the morning. Scolding him, although very tempting, would have ended up in shame about being excited, hurt feelings, and additional anxiety. So we laid together and eventually found a solution for him to calm his tears and go back to sleep.
In the morning, both kids were up early jumping with excitement. The Easter Bunny had been to our house! Soon after they got their baskets there were yells, “he got more than I did, oops, he didn’t,” and “no, I don’t want you to play with that!” It is frustrating. We have stayed up late, given our kids special gifts, and now they seem greedy and ungrateful and they certainly aren’t giving us the rest we wanted.
This is where the conscious parenting mindset differs so much from the mindsets we were raised with. We now know that behavior in the moment has nothing to do with whether our kids will turn out to be self-sufficient or greedy or ungrateful. It is purely them expressing their feelings in that moment.
They are tired from having a night of excited sleep. They are excited that the magic came true of waking up to a basket full of candy and a living room full of hidden eggs. We get to approach the situation with compassion. Yes, we can speak for our needs. Yes, we can come to agreements that serve our needs and theirs.
And when we work on our triggers, we can approach our children with openness and compassion because we understand that this behavior and energy is pure, authentic excitement. This is the beauty of being a child on a holiday.